I am asked to explain what Trust is about multiple times a week. I change up my description from time to time since the book dives into the multiple genre's so it is hard to pigeon-hole it into one. Some of my favorite authors and biggest sources of inspiration, such as Kim Harrison, are adult, urban, fantasy writers so I gave my book that tag, but it is also considered a paranormal fantasy, a psychological thriller, a comedy, a spiritual journey, scientific, and, of course, a romance. But not only in terms of the main character and her love interest, interests? No this book was also started when I lived in San Diego and is a love story to that city, to the west coast as a whole. When Alex digs her toes into the sand refusing to leave, I felt that same pain and loss as I headed back East. I was leaving behind over five years of my life, my best friends, and what soon became the only coast my family belonged to.
I didn't feel like an active part of my new life in Virginia. Days, weeks, years went by, and I didn't let go of San Diego, of my friends, my years growing up there after college. I couldn't make friends, meet people like me, I didn't make people laugh like I could make my friends laugh back west, there weren't the same types of places to go to...the same feeling of a big town. The coasts were different, the sun rose instead of set and I blamed the east coast as a whole and I blamed being not from here. Culture shock was my excuse, and I pined for a place that was on the other side of the continent that I chose to leave.
All this moaning, groaning and bitching gave way over the last few years. Bad things happened to my family; we lost 3 of our close nit clan, and I grew more cynical. I felt like I wasn't raising my children with the best parts of me, and I had to change something about all of it. I am not ashamed to say that I went to counseling, I needed help after my mother, grandfather and grandmother passed, I needed a guide and I did find someone who was just that. She told me yes I need to give a bit more to create my life here; I needed to let go of my firm hold on a place I can only now visit but always love. So I tried harder, I reached out and attempted to meet new people, put myself out there to make friends at work, through my daughter and her friends, I didn't let life pass me by and only latch on to my friends and family back West who were moving on with their lives, making new friends, being happy; oh they will always be my best friends, the ones I call with the craziest of stories that only they would appreciate as they have a permanent place in my heart. My daughters needed other good, loving, funny and smart people in their lives; they needed good influences since we don't have any family here, so I did.
I am now part of a crazy, quirky movie/book group with some awesome ladies, I have 2 real, solid best friends here that I can call and laugh, joke with, make plans and bitch to, and we have play dates, dinners out and parties. I live in a great neighborhood where I continue to meet amazing people from all over and make new friends. Life has opened up to me finally because I broke down some walls and realized I can love San Diego and still be happy making a life for myself here in Virginia.
The other night after a couple of cocktails, some good food and conversation with one of my best friends and her friend since high school, we cranked up the music in the car as we waited for their ride. It was a balmy 45 with drizzling rain and the three of us jumped out of the car and danced, laughed and took turns playing DJ. I felt the freedom of being myself and allowing myself to be happy. I had finally found a way to give and receive love, friendship and acceptance of this beautiful place I now call home and it all clicked as I felt my life come full circle, smiling and dancing in the rain.