Alex is my magnet. I've been drawn to her character before the 1900's were no more and the 2000's stepped in. I didn't know what she was going to do, but what I did know is that I was going to write a book with a main character that would be powerful, damaged, skittish, funny, and sexy. I remember waking from dreams that forced me to jot ideas down onto the closest scrap of paper my fingers could find. The dam that I thought my life plan was beginning to chip away during that time, but the little cracks took fourteen years to burst open.
Some might question how in the world I held onto a goal for so long without giving up. One thing that I know for sure is that my thoughts of the book never left me. Some pages were completed, secure on a disk that moved with me from California to two different cities in Virginia, up to New York, and then back to Virginia. Those years, the time ticking by, were dominated by thoughts of a family and of my school counselor job. Those were powerful thoughts at the time in my life. They were stronger than the book that buzzed in the background of my mind. The persistent thoughts stayed with me though, lingering in the abyss, not ready—not yet.
Now that I look back, I was part of the reason the books didn’t come to life till now. I didn’t see my finished products as good enough, something people would enjoy, or to be taken seriously. And the books I loved, the books I consumed, seemed to overshadow the words I had written. My thoughts of the how amazing J.K Rowling is, Patrick Rothfuss’ intensity, Terry Brooks’ magic, not measuring up pushed my confidence into the background. When I felt I wasn’t good enough—I wasn’t. The doubt attracted nothing to me but more doubt and gave me the life I feared—one where I wasn’t a writer. I feared a life where I never prove to be good enough. Now, as I read The Secret, by Rhonda Byrne, I see exactly what I was doing and what part of me still sometimes does.
For most of my life I actually thought, and maybe this is the superstitious Irish parts of me, that if I thought something was going to be good, or that something was currently awesome, I was jinxing myself immensely. I would actually stop my positive thoughts for fear of the opposite happening. I shake my head now after learning about the Law of Attraction. All that focus on my fears, on worry, doubt, thinking how much better other writers were than me, about how hard it will be to break into the book industry, all the negativity was giving me what I was worried about and not what I wanted. George Lucas knew of this phenomenon as he wrote Anakin as his own personal antagonist and creator of his worst fears and nightmares. Anakin’s dread brought about that which he feared the most. George Lucas is a creative genius and it shows in his characters and his stories. The universe is abundant with creative genius and I am allowing myself to envision joining as a writer.
Just like Alex, I am a magnet. We are all magnets actually and our thoughts attract other like thoughts. The Secret asks the reader to organize and direct their thoughts by figuring out what they want and then believe they are receiving it already. This task pushed me to type what I really wanted in my life. This was something I hadn’t done and in some cases, I had been afraid to totally commit to. When I hashed things out with myself what happened next brought a rush through my body and invoked powerful feelings like I was sealing the deal. She tells the reader to change the wording from “I want” to “I am so grateful and happy that I am/have.” It was a powerful task and soon dreams and visualizations of my desired future came to me with ease. My goals didn’t seem like pipe dreams any longer, instead they were happening right now. Of course, some of this may sound easy enough, but it took and continues to take work and devotion. I do a great deal of visualizing each day, sometimes multiple times a day, about my future and the future of those I love. Mindfulness practices have nearly been a daily occurrence, and trust me, I still have my meh days. Scathing thoughts drip into my awareness every now and again. The negative thoughts that tell me I'm not a great writer, my grammar needs work, there were issues in the book I should have caught, my book isn’t selling, I don’t have enough reviews, I’m not writing enough, blogging enough, or marketing enough. The good news is, the happy and positive thoughts are stronger and can easily tip the scales! Once you put out into the world, into the universe, what you want you see it and believe it to be true. Then, it will all come to fruition.
What’s been incredible about my practice and teachings through The Secret is that I catch these negative thoughts quicker and find it easier to refocus. It’s not that I don’t allow myself to be tired, angry, sad, tired, or scared. On the contrary, I am a firm believer that all emotions have a purpose and we need them to see and experience great joys. No, I don’t push them away, instead, I focus on the good, the things that make me happy, the love for my children, the jokes with friends and my husband, and the hobbies and exercise I enjoy. My friend, who is reading Rhonda’s second book, The Power, showed me a section where Rhonda explains the refocusing of feelings as an addition of happiness and not the removal of negative feelings. She relates being in a bad mood to a glass of water. This glass contains a small about of water that is our happiness and the negative feelings are the air in the glass that cannot be removed. Instead, we fill the glass with more water, aka happiness, and we feel better. We then continue to see the good, to be happy, and to move towards a future that has been put into motion by our own belief that we are already receiving what we really want. Happiness comes from being grateful for what we have now and not dwelling on what we don’t, or what is not going our way, what someone did to us, or what others have and we don’t. It’s recognizing the amazing things in your life loving yourself, believing in yourself, lightening up, loving others, and removing stress.
As I read through the pages of The Secret with my friend, one who is also smacking the “duh” hand upside her own head, I have found clarity for my goals and dreams. I see visions of my future and I feel confident in the fact that I will get there. My stress has reduced, I show love and affection to my loved ones even more than I thought possible, and I am grateful for what I have now and for all that I am working towards in the future.
So, yes I am a good writer, yes people enjoy my books, and more people will start to enjoy Alex and her band of misfits along with all of the other books and characters I breathe to life in my future novels. Once I believed all of this for myself, I realize that I will achieve my goals put into motion by positive feelings about myself, my vision for the future, hard work and dedication, and believing with unwavering faith that I am obtaining my goal right now.
Thank you for reading my blog, for supporting me, for caring about my words, and for being wonderful and amazing.